whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
