its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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