Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize