Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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