Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
