dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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