I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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