i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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