Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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