Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
