I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
