I hope mine doesn't look like that
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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