while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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