I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
