Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
