I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
