im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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