You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
