Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
