Someone shit on the floor
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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