hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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