I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
