3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
