What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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