We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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