Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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