Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
