the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize