i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
