Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
