Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize