remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
