It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Never let your siblings swipe right.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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