i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
