I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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