Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
