The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
