Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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