dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
