I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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