the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
