Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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