The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
