a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
