I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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