she woke up with a sticky ear
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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