Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
