I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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