Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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