You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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