you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
