Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
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I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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