i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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