I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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